Charles's Story, Part 1: "An Inmate Has No Value."

Charles walks free after four years in prison for indecent exposure, but the sentence still shadows his daily life.

It wasn’t until after his release from prison that, at age 50, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Before the diagnosis, he was barraged with medications to tame him in prison. “Some flat knocked me out. I couldn’t function. That stuff is really heavy.”

“So many people out there have bipolar and are not even aware of what’s going on. All they know is, ‘Why do I feel like this all the time? Always wanting to fight? Feeling so depressed?’ That was me till I went to prison. Always into trouble. Couldn’t hold a job.”

Bipolar disorder can distort perception, making reality hard to grasp. It causes intense mood swings—highs that can feel like invincibility, and lows that can make getting out of bed feel impossible. It’s often best managed with therapy, medication, and a strong support system. Charles’s story highlights the struggles of someone who went without help until his 60s.

His struggle with bipolar disorder cost him his marriage and children.

“None of them want anything to do with me. Even today.” Holding back tears, he says, “I married a beautiful woman, and I loved her with everything in me.” He takes full responsibility for the marriage’s failure, though he knows it wasn’t truly him making those choices. “I’d be on my highs and think I was King Kong and go spend all our damn money on frivolous shit, and then we wouldn’t have money to get baby diapers.” “If I could go back today and do it all over again, I’d be one of the best damn husbands you’d ever meet. But it’s eluded me all my life, so I’ve accepted it. Made peace with being single. I get my love and enjoyment from dedicating myself to others.”

At the time, he had no name for what he was going through. He just couldn’t seem to fix how he was feeling—or the consequences that followed.

“Back then, they’d beat the hell out of you.”

In addition to bipolar disorder, Charles has lived with PTSD that traces back to his childhood. His parents fought constantly, and he lost his brother at a young age. After their divorce, his father neglected him, and his mother was unable to care for him.

Lacking the means to stay in school and hold a stable job, he fell into a cycle of working briefly, then quitting in anger.

“For example, I’m doing my job very well… but the boss comes in [and lets me know we’re on a deadline and gotta hustle]. And I take it personally... I’d say, ‘If I ain’t doing good enough, fuck you.’”

“I’d come home tired from work, and my wife comes in… ‘Honey, guess what I did today!’ ‘Yup, uh huh, okay.’ She’d say we need more formula for the baby. My attitude and response was, ‘The fuck you want me to do about it? Do it yourself.’”

“Man, I regret it because I had a good wife. She put up with me for seven years and couldn’t take it anymore… I had two beautiful daughters. They don’t want anything to do with me. When I went to prison, their mom and I divorced.”

After his first stint in prison, Charles joined the military.

“I was trying to figure out what the fuck was wrong with me.”

Before enlisting, he sent one of his daughters to stay with his ex-wife.

He only lasted nine weeks in the military. When he picked her up from the airport, her hair was matted and her clothes were tattered, so he ordered a welfare check on his other daughter.

“It pissed my ex-wife off. I never saw that daughter again.”

He then moved in with his mother. “She was helping me with my [other] daughter, but me being bipolar and an asshole, I wanted to do my thing.”

“I tried to raise [her] on my own. I saw where I was failing miserably. Why can’t I give her what she needs? Seemed all I could do was try to maintain my job. Come home, make sure her homework’s done and that she takes a bath.” 

"She was only 8 years old. I just saw she was being neglected.”

Eventually, his daughter was placed in foster care.

“I tried to keep in touch the best I could. But they kept telling me, ‘Every time you come over she regresses. She sees you and wants to go back home with you. We need you to stay away for a while.’”

He kept his distance for a while, then went to prison. This year, Charles learned that his daughter lost custody of her four children and is now incarcerated.

“She followed right in my footsteps. And I’m thinking to God, why did I even bother to give her up? If this is where she was gonna end up, she could’ve ended up that way with me. I went for a while with animosity and anger with God. Then God tells me my work isn't finished. It may look like that now, but who knows ten years from now?”

“I tried reaching out to her. She made it clear: ‘Stay out of my life. I don’t have a dad.’ Her being a grown woman, I honored her wishes.”

A single episode led him to prison: “It [was] one of those bipolar moments where I let anger get the best of my judgments. That sent me right to prison.”